25 April 2008. At long last, I’m finally sitting in my room, enjoying the solitude confinement of my OWN room. For 1 long month, I do not know what I’ve been doing, living life as tough it’s just a dream. I just finish my last paper yesterday but I can hardly remember what happened, it’s like just awakening from a sleep, not knowing what I dream of.  I’m lost, lost between fantasy and reality. Every day that pass is another day that makes me wonder: Why do I live? Do I really fit into this world?

I’m just an eccentric guy, trying to get the respect and recognition that I deserve. Even though I’m surrounded by people, there are very few that I can call true friend.   People will come to me when they needed my help and disappear when I’m not needed.  It’s so frustrating to help someone out only to be denied the recognition you deserve. While this is just not a matter of friends, I’m wondering why I am leaving in this world. It feels like I don’t fit in. I know I have talents but to not have a chance to prove myself, to show my true abilities is like a nightmare.

I’ve always believed in past life. I imagined myself as a great leader in my previous life, defeating enemies in the battle field and bringing peace and prosperity to my people, wise at peace, ferocious in battle. That is why I’m so interested in warfare, leadership and management in this life. I defeat greater civilizations, implement economic policies, respected by my people. Sounds like a stupid reason but I believed. I’m ambitious, I know that. It’s not wealth that I’m after; all of my true friends know that money means little to me. I just wanted to leave my name in history before I go, to be respected for my achievements until the end of the world. Not much of a chance in this reality.